Letter from the past

 

Dear Dad,

How is heaven? I’m sure it’s nice. You know it’s kind of funny, this is my first time communicating with you and I don’t really know what to say. I guess the first thing would be, that I miss you, and that the family misses you. It was kind of hard growing up without a father. It still is, although we’re much better now. Well I guess it was harder for mum as she didn’t remarry after you died. And I am very proud of her, and admire her for that.

You know although I have never spoken to you before, or shared anything with you, there are things which always made me remember you, and reminded me that I did have a father. One of those is when I was a little boy, and Mum always brought us to Malaysia. And every time there is a jam, and someone’s car is spoiled. Mum always said that if you were around, you would get out of the car and help them with their car problems. And every time I see someone’s with a broken car at the side of the road, I always remembered you, and how you always helped people. And that is what inspires me till today.

Life right now is pretty much OK for me. I am at Ngee Ann Poly now. I’m studying to be a Computer Graphics artist and maybe a director one day. That is my dream. It is kind of sad I can’t share it with you. It’s kind of sad I don’t even have any memory of you. And sometimes I feel sad for myself. But I know you won’t want me to feel sad, you would want me to continue living, and be a good person, and do something wonderful with my life. And I will do that. Every time I watch a movie when the character’s parent’s died and how they would want their children to go on with life, I remember you.

Many things have changed since 18 years ago. Baijan(Brother) is a fire fighter now. He is very strong but I’m taller than him now. And Bubu(Sister) is an financial advisor. She drives huge car, but mum pays half of the bills of that car. Mum no longer teaches anymore, she now works at MOE headquarters, writing textbooks. And I,… really don’t want to go to NS. You were lucky, when NS was formed you were already too old to enter. But I still have too. We never got to do any father-son stuffs. Like you teaching me how to play soccer. Or me needing your advice on girls. But when I am married, and have a family of my own. I will be there for my children. And I will remember you and how you would do all these things with me if you had the chance.

You were a strong person. The doctors said you only had weeks to live but you fought for months till I was born. You wanted to see me, even for a while, before you go. You wanted to name me and see me off in my journey of life. Thank you for that. I want to be just like you. Every time I feel weak and helpless I will think of you, and ask myself what would my father do if he were here? We will meet one day. And we can finally share all our joys of life. But for now I will stay strong and be a good Muslim, a good man and a good person. Because these are all the things you were and I know you want me to grow up being that person. And I will follow that. Every day of my life.      

 

     

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